Vulnerability and Strength

I am thrilled to share a sneak peek of an article I recently published in the Jackson Free Press.

To love is to care deeply enough about an idea to see it come into being, whether that idea is a romance with another person, writing a novel or starting a business. Love sparks your desire to learn all you can about that someone or something. It is what keeps us engaged during difficult times. Love can lead to disappointments and joys. It requires two oppositional forces in a person: the vulnerability of openness and the protection of strength.

Vulnerability and strength are two sides of one coin, and each requires courage. From vulnerability comes strength if approached with an honest, open conscience, a clear heart, and the resolve to persevere through disappointments and successes. An authentic, lasting relationship that has give and take is built from honesty, trust and support. To be honest requires a certain amount of showing your soft underbelly, to test if you and your ideas will be supported. Will you click with this person? Is there viability in this notion, this business or personal relationship?

Read on. . . then leave your comments here or on the Jackson Free Press site.

Four Must Ask Questions Before You Plan Your Year

We develop a commitment to what we spend time on, the more time invested the deeper the commitment.  Defining what you really want is crucial. I mean this needs to be crystal clear, in order to set resolutions that are realized.  What would make your life, or your work, or go big both, deeply meaningful to you? If you are not clear about the big picture of what you want, you’ll get bogged down by all that could be, tripped up by details, lose your place or worse decide to toss all your efforts out the window.  There is no single best definition of a meaningful life or meaningful work. What shows up in yours should be a reflection of what you value most and what calls to you most ardently.

“Everyone should carefully observe

which way his heart draws him,

and then choose that way

with all his strength.”

                                                  ~ Hasidic Saying

The more deeply anchored in who you are at your core and what brings the real meaning to your life, the more energy you have to push forward. So what is it you desire to be of lasting impact that has significance to you?  We all make a significant lasting impact, or can choose to, in the sphere of our influence. Sometimes we make a lasting impact that was not intended, might as well go for what we intend.

You can put your best work forth and make a lasting impact by using your signature strengths, your unique attributes, and most deeply held values in service of your big picture.  Whether your work is as a solo business owner, in the c-suite, as an employee or at home. You get the outcomes you want when you take specific actions that build from your strengths, are supported by your attitude and are rooted in the callings of your heart. Getting to really big outcomes takes moxie. Moxie comes from being clear and unwavering about the callings of your heart.

Four Questions to Plan An Extraordinary Year

I use these four questions to plan my year, usually in December because I want to be focused, ready to embrace the possibilities of a New Year on January 1. (Well maybe January 2).  The answers I come up result in a plan for making the New Year extraordinary.

1. What am I longing for in my life? Not what you need to do, but what you are yearning for from the marrow of your bones. What is it you would most like to experience or feel in 2012? Your answer is the motivating force for the choices you make, and subsequent outcomes you get.  Your answer points to a course of action whether you want travel to Europe, increase the impact of your business, let go of the mental baggage you have been carrying around or get into the shape of you life.  When you are clear about the deeper reason behind your intent, the more powerful your actions will be on the practical level.
2. What can I reach for that will meet that longing? Not what is the pie in the sky I can’t possibly ever get there reach. Rather the stretch that if you made, to the best of your abilities would indeed meet this yen of yours. Is it to be the best provider possible for your family, customers or employees? Maybe it is to step into a new role professionally? Could it be to preserve time for your own creative work?
3. What would need to be true for me to meet that longing? Your answer might encompass any number of things. You might need to acquire new skills, or strengthen existing ones. You might need to let go of patterns of thinking that no long serve you well. You might just find that you have everything in place, but need to make use of the resources available to you. Maybe you need to stop being scared of you.
4. What will give me the courage to reach for more? This is not about bragging or smugness. It is about standing firm in your intent and the sense of your own value. It is what will help you find your mojo, your chutzpah, so you remain unwavering in even moments of doubt or challenge. Maybe you are tired of being afraid of what people might thing of the whole, real you?  Maybe it is just the time to start now untangling the knots in your life.

This year I want to help you have an extraordinary year, so I am offering a limited number of complementary “My Extraordinary Year” discovery sessions.  If you are:

• Ready to stop chasing balance and start finding fulfillment
• Ready to get of a rut
• Want the courage to claim time for yourself
• Longing to get in sync with what calls most deeply from your heart

Take me up on the offer for a complementary  “My Extraordinary Year” discovery session. These are first come first serve. There are only 20 available.

During the 30-minute session we will do three things. First create a clear vision about what you really want. Then we will explore obstacles that are getting in your way. Finally we will outline the next steps you can take to move forward. These will be scheduled between January 4 and January 20, 2012.

Make 2012 the year to reconnect to the light inside you and live by your most deeply held truths.  One of my clients said it best, “I am beyond thrilled to be realistically, authentically in touch with who I am. I have tools to understand my own person and the gifts that are uniquely mine. I am not fearful of myself any more.”– Banking VP, November 2011. Now that is a great foundation for her 2012.

I invite you to book your “My Extraordinary Year” discovery session now.

Captain Humanities

Still no new Marvel Comics™  series of crime fighting capers based on my family, but I am darn sure proud of them.  In honor of Father’s Day I present Captain Humanities aka my Dad.

Captain: a person given authority over a team

Humanities:  the study or man kind and human affairs

Captain Humanities  is the son of an educator and became one too as a college professor, in yes Humanities, European History in particular and eventually an administrator (what some people call “crossing to the dark side”).  For him exploring history and other humanities is a way to understand and come to peace with the complexities of life, a medium through which to highlight human dignity and possibilities. He grew up with parents passionately devoted to each other and to fostering lively discussions (read debates that could described as epic at times). A tradition passed on to Captain Humanities two daughters. Ensuring we became thinking beings, who learned to both explore and discovered what intrigued us, understand that collectively humans share certain values, “predominant human drive [is] to be positive and forward looking” and most importantly to stake a stand for whom and in what you believe, even, especially when that makes you unpopular.  When his son arrived some 24 plus years after the first daughter, those same lessons were passed on. Lest you think him a naive idealist or fuddydud-  I assure you he’s not. He introduced his daughters to the wonder of  The Three Stooges (yes we are fans), a likes a bawdy joke, and went roaring down snow covered hills on a toboggan with his beloved grand kids this past Christmas.

Here’s to you Dad! Thanks!

Captain Humanities is one more personal superhero who showed me ways to overcome the “bad guys” in life and celebrate and elevate the “good guys”. So Marvel Comics™ if you are looking for inspiration, give me a call and I can tell you more.

Start. Now.

“Today, not starting is far, far worse that being wrong. If you start, you’ve got a shot at evolving and adjusting to turn your wrong into a right. But if you don’t start, you never get a chance.”~Seth Godin, “Poke the Box“

What are you holding back from starting? You might gain information by holding off, but you gain nothing by never starting. So again what are you holding back from starting, that spot where fear pinched off your initiative nerve. Pitching a new feature to your editor or news director, because she may say no to your idea? Embarking on a new wellbeing routine, because you know it will be like all your other false starts? Taking your business from an idea to a storefront, because there is not guarantee of success?

There is never an absolute 100% guarantee of success, even with highly tested, finely tuned successful things. There are always glitches. Your iPod freezes up. The column went out with a typo, in spite of your editing, the copy editor and spell check. It’s hard to consistently workout 4 times a week when you travel for work at least once a month. I could go on an on. Instead I offer you the same challenge I gave myself this weekend.

Take a look in the proverbial mirror, see where you are holding back from fear on an important thing to start. Acknowledge the fear, then purposely put it aside. Layout your plan to launch  your something new, be specific in your intentions and goals. Make sure you capture your excitement about the something new in your goal, excitement is the flip side of fear. Tell someone about your something new to start. Get enough of what you need to start, then start.

Me, I am starting development on some new teleclasses and groups. Look for details in the coming weeks.

For more on the importance of getting started check out, “Poke the Box“, by Seth Godin. It might just be the motivation you need to run boldly towards your own starting line.

Daredevil Mom and Superduper Stepmom

No Marvel Comics™ has not put out a new series of crime fighting capers (though I will admit to wanting to see the new film Thor, which probably tells you more about me than you want to know). In honor of Mother’s Day I present my Daredevil Mom and Superduper Stepmom.

Daredevil: 1794 (n.) “recklessly daring person,” from dare (v. to have the boldness to try; venture; hazard) + devil. The devil might refer to the person, or the sense might be “one who dares the devil (cf. scarecrow, cutthroat).*

Superduper: adjective Informal . extremely good, powerful, large, etc.; very super; marvelous or colossal.*

Daredevil Mom who was born bold, strong and full of love. Bucking tradition becoming the first person in her family to go to college. While there majored in science and helped to accidentally integrate the intramural sports and clubs (That’s a whole other story).  Who’s always had or found the boldness to try something that would improve our lives, and increase her experience in the world. Regardless of what society said was proper or how scary it felt. Her most recent adventure is an epic trip out west with her sister and a friend of 42+ years.  Three ladies, a rental car, some maps, traveling from Las Vegas, to the Grand Canyon heading to Yellowstone park-awesome!

Superduper Stepmom who at age 22 had the guts to move in with my Dad and then have two kids show up 2 weeks later for the summer.  After 31 years she’s still here and has never tried to be our mother, we had one. She became our friend, confident and most definitely family. Forging her own place in the world personally and professionally, completing a law degree, then practicing law, eventually becoming a Mom in her own right (giving us a brother) and always speaking her mind, standing up for what and in whom she believes, while never forgetting the importance of play. Here she is flying a kite.

Both of these personal superheros showed me ways to overcome the “bad guys” in life and celebrate and elevate the “good guys”. So Marvel Comics™ if you are looking for inspiration, give me a call and I can tell you more.

*Online Etymology Dictionary. Douglas Harper, Historian. 04 May. 2011.

Believe in your heart what you deserve to have

“We cannot achieve more in life than what we believe in our heart of hearts we deserve to have.”- James R. Ball

If our mind establishes what might be possible, what our heart believe can surpass the limits of the mind. What do you in your heart of hearts, the deepest marrow of your bones, believe you deserve to have in life? A stable and fulfilling career. A home life shared with a deeply loved mate and 3 kids. A Garden filled the spring flowers, summer bounty, fall’s sepia beauty and winter’s sculptural glories? To be valued and respected? To fit back into those slim clothes? None of these things are outrageous even if they feel out of reach.

Gather up your courage, take a long look at the space between where you are now and where you wish to be in a years time in relationship to your goal. Ready? Now put that down on paper. Consider the skills and strengthens you can bring to bear in service of realizing this goals. In three months time how close ould you move to that goal using these assets? Got some ideas, great. Now tell me what you will do in the next week to get moving and then do it.

Making Peace with and the Most of You

Would you like to let go of trying to be someone you are not? Are you ready to make the most of your genuine self and multiple interests? Me too.

Years ago I was fortunate to have a “Eureka!” moment, and I decided to “embrace the geekdom”. Always capable, bright and funny, I was also ‘a bit left of center’, hyper-responsible, dyslexic and somehow seemed to make things harder than they needed to be.  I had too many balls up in the air: completing graduate school working part-time, working multiple jobs after. . .  The word “no” seemed to be missing from my vocabulary. I was always available for and trying to not to disappoint anyone, making things hard on myself and not leaving time enough for me.

“Embrace the geekdom”; meant figuring out what I would say yes to, what I would say no to and what I would think about. It also meant owning those decisions and resulting consequences. It was not until I was in my 30’s that I really began to make the most of my assets and fully grow into my personality. Then I experienced my moxie and a delightful unexpected ease in life even in the most challenging times.

Now in my 40’s I am grounded, interested, present and invigorated. Claiming your genuine self, with all its facets is a wonderful, exciting and dare I say liberating choice. You can be independent and still connected to who and what you love. As a coach I help busy professional women who want more invigorating lives to focus on priorities and assets to create fulfilling zesty lives.

Clearing away the “mental clutter” and focusing on key priorities demands investing in yourself and interests to make the most of your assets and quirks while replenishing the resources necessary to care for yourself and loved ones. You live with integrity. I know this to be true.

That’s my story. We each have own stories and choices.

Can you imagine what your harmonious and expansive yet grounded life would feel like? Just let yourself dream a bit here . . . Your priorities are in focus, front and center. There’s room to support your loved ones AND your interests. Your look forward to work . . . You’re not trying to fit someone’s ideals.  Like what you see? Let’s get focused on your priorities, capitalize on your assets and make the most of what you have to offer the world and what it has to offer you. It’s the best gift you could get this year!
If you are ready to make the most of 2011 I invite you to contact me about coaching. If you are in the metro Jackson Mississippi area you might also be interested in the Powerful Living community.

Quiet Courage

Courage, what exactly is it? How do we know when we have it?

• Is it trusting in your own strength, physical or emotional?
• Is it to act in accordance with one’s beliefs and values especially in spite of criticism?
• Is it something a person must be able to sustain it in the face of difficulty?

I suggest it is all of these.  Courage can be big and bold like taking a stand in the face of great danger. Or it can be subtle perseverance towards an enterprising goal. Fundamentally I believe courage demands integrity, personal agency and honesty.  Honesty may not be the first associated made with the word courage, but to act authentically and aligned with core values demands a substantial amount of strength in the face of the unknown.

“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.” ~ Raymond Lindquist

My clients are some of the most courageous people I know. Each and everyone without fail have reached that goal or a better outcome when they coupled their perseverance with personal agency. In some cases they have made long strides to overcome low self-esteem, self-efficacy as well as the discouraging pessimistic messages from others.

Their personal visions for a more compelling future laid the foundation, their will to let go of the familiar and to try again tomorrow supplied the tools and their innate abilities and creativity provided the materials to make real their aspirations.  To be a part of such a journey is an honor for which I am deeply grateful.

The zest for life they bring is sustaining and infectious.  One has ventured out to make a part-time ballroom dress design business, a big beautiful business.  Erin has rekindled the creative fires at home by literally and figuratively clearing away the clutter. An other client has pressed forward to complete her second children’s book. Emily has embraced a new sense of physically and took part in this year’s RAGBRI biking through Iowa. Dana created the sacred space in her home that nurtures her family. David made a bold decision to move back to the unexpected city with his wife and child because it was the right fit for them, even though it is far from “home.”

So how will you be courageous in service of your best life?

“Courage doesn’t always roar.  Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.” ~Mary Anne Radmacher

 

Important Stuff I Learned From Four-Legged and Feathered Creatures

I have been an animal lover all my life and I have been an observer of behavior, interaction-reaction all my life too. So watching the animals that have come through my life, as pets, neighbors, and wildlife encounters and finding lessons for my own l experience seems very natural.  This could be in part due to my Zoology major Mom, who has a small amount of family fame for saving a chicken in one of her college classes, but that is a story for an other day.

• A different perspective can make all the difference in your day. So do physically change positions to get a better or new view, then figure out what you want to do or not.
• Keep reaching. You might just get the dang moth fluttering just out of reach.
• Be persistent, eventually someone is going to pay attention, roll out of the proverbial and not so proverbial bed and help you out.
• Invite someone to play. It may be just what he or she needed and they did not know it.
• Cuddling is good, so just reach out, curl up and let the contact begin, it is very life affirming and relaxing too.
• Take a break. So what if you are in the middle of a very important chase down of that toy mouse, if you need to yawn or clean up for minute, the chase can continue after you are refreshed.
• Pride in appearance is a good thing. Who doesn’t benefit from a little preening in front of the mirror, especially when you have been molting and need to get used to a new look. Just don’t forget to walk away from mirror or to let others know how fine they look too.
• Approaching with caution is a fine idea when you are introduced to a new situation or person. Take the time you need to get comfortable, but don’t hide under the bed all day you might just miss an excellent opportunity or dinner.
• Use all 5 senses to really get the most out of life.
• Stretch frequently there is nothing like a big long spine stretch to really get you energized.
• It is not all about you. It is about you and me and what we are going to do with this stick, string, walk, time together…

What you risk reveals what you value

What you risk reveals what you value.  ~Jeanette Winterson

To me is this an interesting almost counter intuitive statement. Normally we thinking about protecting what we value, so that is not harmed. But to risk it, that put’s an interesting twist on things. How much are you willing to say to the world, here is what is important to me, and here is what I am willing to try to increase it, to share it... I think this quote speaks to the important of our individual personal agency, values and what ground we are willing to stand. Do we have the courage of our convictions and to live those publicly?